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Combining an idiom with a metonymy
Describing a character's panic and confusionIs repetition justified in the following piece?Examples of Successful Rule-Breaking in NovelsWhen is repetition good?Problem: Aspiring writer, with dyslexia?Are there any successful precedents of “gentle” fourth-wall-breaking?In the digital age of Kindle and POD is a book ever finished?Ordinary writing or Prose: how to make it immersive?How do I write a MODERN combat/violence scene without being dry?How do we objectively assess if a dialogue sounds unnatural or cringy?
I am not sure if this is possible. I would like to use a metonymy with an idiom, and it doesn't seem to be something people ever did, so it feels wrong.
I have the following sentence:
He was in the middle of our fedora hats celebrating our victory.
I am using it to mean the following:
He was in the middle of our (mafia) family celebrating our victory.
Not only it sounds weird, but it sounds wrong. I don't think there's something I did wrong, but the combination of the two makes it really weird. So can we combine the two or not?
creative-writing figures-of-speech
asked 3 hours ago
repomonsterrepomonster
1,8771137
add a comment |
I am not sure if this is possible. I would like to use a metonymy with an idiom, and it doesn't seem to be something people ever did, so it feels wrong.
I have the following sentence:
He was in the middle of our fedora hats celebrating our victory.
I am using it to mean the following:
He was in the middle of our (mafia) family celebrating our victory.
Not only it sounds weird, but it sounds wrong. I don't think there's something I did wrong, but the combination of the two makes it really weird. So can we combine the two or not?
creative-writing figures-of-speech
asked 3 hours ago
repomonsterrepomonster
1,8771137
add a comment |
I am not sure if this is possible. I would like to use a metonymy with an idiom, and it doesn't seem to be something people ever did, so it feels wrong.
I have the following sentence:
He was in the middle of our fedora hats celebrating our victory.
I am using it to mean the following:
He was in the middle of our (mafia) family celebrating our victory.
Not only it sounds weird, but it sounds wrong. I don't think there's something I did wrong, but the combination of the two makes it really weird. So can we combine the two or not?
creative-writing figures-of-speech
asked 3 hours ago
repomonsterrepomonster
1,8771137
I am not sure if this is possible. I would like to use a metonymy with an idiom, and it doesn't seem to be something people ever did, so it feels wrong.
I have the following sentence:
He was in the middle of our fedora hats celebrating our victory.
I am using it to mean the following:
He was in the middle of our (mafia) family celebrating our victory.
Not only it sounds weird, but it sounds wrong. I don't think there's something I did wrong, but the combination of the two makes it really weird. So can we combine the two or not?
creative-writing figures-of-speech
creative-writing figures-of-speech
asked 3 hours ago
repomonsterrepomonster
1,8771137
asked 3 hours ago
repomonsterrepomonster
1,8771137
asked 3 hours ago
repomonsterrepomonster
1,8771137
asked 3 hours ago
repomonsterrepomonster
1,8771137
asked 3 hours ago
repomonsterrepomonster
1,8771137
1,8771137
add a comment |
add a comment |
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
The problem is more the meter of the sentence. How you say things makes as big of an impact as what you say.
The problem is furthered by the fact what you're trying to replace with "fedora hats", "mafia family". It feels bulky and cumbersome to the flow of the sentence. Most metonymies tend to be syllabalically shorter than what they replace. Sometimes the same length. They are almost never longer. "But 'fedora hats' is shorter than 'mafia family'!" But it's longer than "family."
In short, if you want to make a metonymy work better, try to use a three-syllable-or-less version.
This doesn't even start going into the issues based on if people will understand your metonymy. Establish that everyone is wearing fedoras then refer to the family as "hats" and that MAY work. Let's see how the sentence flows, knowing full well that this assumes fedoras were previously mentioned explicitly and clearly.
He was in the middle of our hats, celebrating our victory.
Sounds better to me. Is it perfect? Eh, not really, but perfection isn't the goal, improvement is.
answered 2 hours ago
Sora TamashiiSora Tamashii
1,121113
add a comment |
I don't think the problem is the combination, it is the unfamiliar metonymy. The use of "fedora hats" to mean "Mafia family" is just not common enough for the reader not to be thrown out of the text, saying "What did that mean" and probably coming to a wrong answer. If a more familiar metonymy with a bit of context is used, such as:
It was election night. He was in the middle of the elephants celebrating our victory.
Where "the elephants" is being used to mean "members of the Republican party" -- a very comon expression, mostly in visual cartoons, I think it works.
If there is extra context, if "fedora hats" has previously been established to have this meaning in this story it might work. Or even:
All the Family was there, particularly Frank. He was in the middle of our Fedora Hats celebrating our victory.
might work.
I might add, there really isn't much of an idiom here.
answered 3 hours ago
David SiegelDavid Siegel
1,318118
idioms.thefreedictionary.com/in+the+middle+of
– repomonster
3 hours ago
How come metonymies need to use familiar expressions while it's not the case for metaphors?
– repomonster
3 hours ago
@repomonster : The problem would be the same for a metaphor. A figure of speech needs to be either familiar , or else obvious enough that most readers will recognize irt fairly easily -- unless in an unusual case, the point is to be obscure. Normally if the reader is puzzled, it disrupts the flow. It can even cause a reader to abandon the work.
– David Siegel
2 hours ago
add a comment |
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2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
The problem is more the meter of the sentence. How you say things makes as big of an impact as what you say.
The problem is furthered by the fact what you're trying to replace with "fedora hats", "mafia family". It feels bulky and cumbersome to the flow of the sentence. Most metonymies tend to be syllabalically shorter than what they replace. Sometimes the same length. They are almost never longer. "But 'fedora hats' is shorter than 'mafia family'!" But it's longer than "family."
In short, if you want to make a metonymy work better, try to use a three-syllable-or-less version.
This doesn't even start going into the issues based on if people will understand your metonymy. Establish that everyone is wearing fedoras then refer to the family as "hats" and that MAY work. Let's see how the sentence flows, knowing full well that this assumes fedoras were previously mentioned explicitly and clearly.
He was in the middle of our hats, celebrating our victory.
Sounds better to me. Is it perfect? Eh, not really, but perfection isn't the goal, improvement is.
answered 2 hours ago
Sora TamashiiSora Tamashii
1,121113
add a comment |
The problem is more the meter of the sentence. How you say things makes as big of an impact as what you say.
The problem is furthered by the fact what you're trying to replace with "fedora hats", "mafia family". It feels bulky and cumbersome to the flow of the sentence. Most metonymies tend to be syllabalically shorter than what they replace. Sometimes the same length. They are almost never longer. "But 'fedora hats' is shorter than 'mafia family'!" But it's longer than "family."
In short, if you want to make a metonymy work better, try to use a three-syllable-or-less version.
This doesn't even start going into the issues based on if people will understand your metonymy. Establish that everyone is wearing fedoras then refer to the family as "hats" and that MAY work. Let's see how the sentence flows, knowing full well that this assumes fedoras were previously mentioned explicitly and clearly.
He was in the middle of our hats, celebrating our victory.
Sounds better to me. Is it perfect? Eh, not really, but perfection isn't the goal, improvement is.
answered 2 hours ago
Sora TamashiiSora Tamashii
1,121113
add a comment |
The problem is more the meter of the sentence. How you say things makes as big of an impact as what you say.
The problem is furthered by the fact what you're trying to replace with "fedora hats", "mafia family". It feels bulky and cumbersome to the flow of the sentence. Most metonymies tend to be syllabalically shorter than what they replace. Sometimes the same length. They are almost never longer. "But 'fedora hats' is shorter than 'mafia family'!" But it's longer than "family."
In short, if you want to make a metonymy work better, try to use a three-syllable-or-less version.
This doesn't even start going into the issues based on if people will understand your metonymy. Establish that everyone is wearing fedoras then refer to the family as "hats" and that MAY work. Let's see how the sentence flows, knowing full well that this assumes fedoras were previously mentioned explicitly and clearly.
He was in the middle of our hats, celebrating our victory.
Sounds better to me. Is it perfect? Eh, not really, but perfection isn't the goal, improvement is.
answered 2 hours ago
Sora TamashiiSora Tamashii
1,121113
The problem is more the meter of the sentence. How you say things makes as big of an impact as what you say.
The problem is furthered by the fact what you're trying to replace with "fedora hats", "mafia family". It feels bulky and cumbersome to the flow of the sentence. Most metonymies tend to be syllabalically shorter than what they replace. Sometimes the same length. They are almost never longer. "But 'fedora hats' is shorter than 'mafia family'!" But it's longer than "family."
In short, if you want to make a metonymy work better, try to use a three-syllable-or-less version.
This doesn't even start going into the issues based on if people will understand your metonymy. Establish that everyone is wearing fedoras then refer to the family as "hats" and that MAY work. Let's see how the sentence flows, knowing full well that this assumes fedoras were previously mentioned explicitly and clearly.
He was in the middle of our hats, celebrating our victory.
Sounds better to me. Is it perfect? Eh, not really, but perfection isn't the goal, improvement is.
answered 2 hours ago
Sora TamashiiSora Tamashii
1,121113
answered 2 hours ago
Sora TamashiiSora Tamashii
1,121113
answered 2 hours ago
Sora TamashiiSora Tamashii
1,121113
answered 2 hours ago
Sora TamashiiSora Tamashii
1,121113
1,121113
add a comment |
add a comment |
I don't think the problem is the combination, it is the unfamiliar metonymy. The use of "fedora hats" to mean "Mafia family" is just not common enough for the reader not to be thrown out of the text, saying "What did that mean" and probably coming to a wrong answer. If a more familiar metonymy with a bit of context is used, such as:
It was election night. He was in the middle of the elephants celebrating our victory.
Where "the elephants" is being used to mean "members of the Republican party" -- a very comon expression, mostly in visual cartoons, I think it works.
If there is extra context, if "fedora hats" has previously been established to have this meaning in this story it might work. Or even:
All the Family was there, particularly Frank. He was in the middle of our Fedora Hats celebrating our victory.
might work.
I might add, there really isn't much of an idiom here.
answered 3 hours ago
David SiegelDavid Siegel
1,318118
idioms.thefreedictionary.com/in+the+middle+of
– repomonster
3 hours ago
How come metonymies need to use familiar expressions while it's not the case for metaphors?
– repomonster
3 hours ago
@repomonster : The problem would be the same for a metaphor. A figure of speech needs to be either familiar , or else obvious enough that most readers will recognize irt fairly easily -- unless in an unusual case, the point is to be obscure. Normally if the reader is puzzled, it disrupts the flow. It can even cause a reader to abandon the work.
– David Siegel
2 hours ago
add a comment |
I don't think the problem is the combination, it is the unfamiliar metonymy. The use of "fedora hats" to mean "Mafia family" is just not common enough for the reader not to be thrown out of the text, saying "What did that mean" and probably coming to a wrong answer. If a more familiar metonymy with a bit of context is used, such as:
It was election night. He was in the middle of the elephants celebrating our victory.
Where "the elephants" is being used to mean "members of the Republican party" -- a very comon expression, mostly in visual cartoons, I think it works.
If there is extra context, if "fedora hats" has previously been established to have this meaning in this story it might work. Or even:
All the Family was there, particularly Frank. He was in the middle of our Fedora Hats celebrating our victory.
might work.
I might add, there really isn't much of an idiom here.
answered 3 hours ago
David SiegelDavid Siegel
1,318118
idioms.thefreedictionary.com/in+the+middle+of
– repomonster
3 hours ago
How come metonymies need to use familiar expressions while it's not the case for metaphors?
– repomonster
3 hours ago
@repomonster : The problem would be the same for a metaphor. A figure of speech needs to be either familiar , or else obvious enough that most readers will recognize irt fairly easily -- unless in an unusual case, the point is to be obscure. Normally if the reader is puzzled, it disrupts the flow. It can even cause a reader to abandon the work.
– David Siegel
2 hours ago
add a comment |
I don't think the problem is the combination, it is the unfamiliar metonymy. The use of "fedora hats" to mean "Mafia family" is just not common enough for the reader not to be thrown out of the text, saying "What did that mean" and probably coming to a wrong answer. If a more familiar metonymy with a bit of context is used, such as:
It was election night. He was in the middle of the elephants celebrating our victory.
Where "the elephants" is being used to mean "members of the Republican party" -- a very comon expression, mostly in visual cartoons, I think it works.
If there is extra context, if "fedora hats" has previously been established to have this meaning in this story it might work. Or even:
All the Family was there, particularly Frank. He was in the middle of our Fedora Hats celebrating our victory.
might work.
I might add, there really isn't much of an idiom here.
answered 3 hours ago
David SiegelDavid Siegel
1,318118
I don't think the problem is the combination, it is the unfamiliar metonymy. The use of "fedora hats" to mean "Mafia family" is just not common enough for the reader not to be thrown out of the text, saying "What did that mean" and probably coming to a wrong answer. If a more familiar metonymy with a bit of context is used, such as:
It was election night. He was in the middle of the elephants celebrating our victory.
Where "the elephants" is being used to mean "members of the Republican party" -- a very comon expression, mostly in visual cartoons, I think it works.
If there is extra context, if "fedora hats" has previously been established to have this meaning in this story it might work. Or even:
All the Family was there, particularly Frank. He was in the middle of our Fedora Hats celebrating our victory.
might work.
I might add, there really isn't much of an idiom here.
answered 3 hours ago
David SiegelDavid Siegel
1,318118
answered 3 hours ago
David SiegelDavid Siegel
1,318118
answered 3 hours ago
David SiegelDavid Siegel
1,318118
answered 3 hours ago
David SiegelDavid Siegel
1,318118
1,318118
idioms.thefreedictionary.com/in+the+middle+of
– repomonster
3 hours ago
How come metonymies need to use familiar expressions while it's not the case for metaphors?
– repomonster
3 hours ago
@repomonster : The problem would be the same for a metaphor. A figure of speech needs to be either familiar , or else obvious enough that most readers will recognize irt fairly easily -- unless in an unusual case, the point is to be obscure. Normally if the reader is puzzled, it disrupts the flow. It can even cause a reader to abandon the work.
– David Siegel
2 hours ago
add a comment |
idioms.thefreedictionary.com/in+the+middle+of
– repomonster
3 hours ago
How come metonymies need to use familiar expressions while it's not the case for metaphors?
– repomonster
3 hours ago
@repomonster : The problem would be the same for a metaphor. A figure of speech needs to be either familiar , or else obvious enough that most readers will recognize irt fairly easily -- unless in an unusual case, the point is to be obscure. Normally if the reader is puzzled, it disrupts the flow. It can even cause a reader to abandon the work.
– David Siegel
2 hours ago
idioms.thefreedictionary.com/in+the+middle+of
– repomonster
3 hours ago
idioms.thefreedictionary.com/in+the+middle+of
– repomonster
3 hours ago
How come metonymies need to use familiar expressions while it's not the case for metaphors?
– repomonster
3 hours ago
How come metonymies need to use familiar expressions while it's not the case for metaphors?
– repomonster
3 hours ago
@repomonster : The problem would be the same for a metaphor. A figure of speech needs to be either familiar , or else obvious enough that most readers will recognize irt fairly easily -- unless in an unusual case, the point is to be obscure. Normally if the reader is puzzled, it disrupts the flow. It can even cause a reader to abandon the work.
– David Siegel
2 hours ago
@repomonster : The problem would be the same for a metaphor. A figure of speech needs to be either familiar , or else obvious enough that most readers will recognize irt fairly easily -- unless in an unusual case, the point is to be obscure. Normally if the reader is puzzled, it disrupts the flow. It can even cause a reader to abandon the work.
– David Siegel
2 hours ago
add a comment |
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